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I Don’t: The Tale of a Single Gal

Truth time: I don’t really care about wedding planning.

Disclaimer: I think it’s great when other people do. It’s important to them, and you might as well go crazy celebrating.  This entry is in no way an attempt to be insensitive toward those who are happily married and/or looking and/or planning a dream wedding right now.  Rock on with your matrimonial selves!

That disclaimer aside: I, personally, would rather watch paint dry than think about planning a wedding.  That may change when I find The Perfect Person Ever, and that’s cool, but for the last 29 years, I’ve been a broken woman by many standards. I just can’t muster up a single dust-speck of caring about weddings. There is nothing more dull to me except maybe reading an insurance manual. I never dream about my (hypothetical) wedding. Apparently, that’s weird. Planning a wedding sounds like something I’d pawn off on someone else or pay someone to do – the thought of buying a super-expensive dress to wear once just drives me crazy.  I’m not religious, so the idea of repeating all these vows that keep bringing up “God” just turns me off, and writing my own vows sounds like a lot of work for something that could just as simply be done by going to City Hall and signing a piece of paper.

That said – the only person I find more annoying than Barbara Bridezilla are the girls who are “soooo alternative, weddings totally suck”, because let’s face it: holier-than-thou assholes are obnoxious. I don’t think I’m better because I hate the idea of my own wedding, and I do PLENTY of things that are silly and expensive  in other people’s eyes.  There’s no way in hell I want to be the Debbie Downer Special Snowflake who hates a wedding and isn’t like “those girls” and pats herself on the back for being A BETTTER SPECIES. Because I’m not. My fellow married and engaged friends? I’ve got your back. I’m happy for you. You’re awesome. I don’t know how you do what you’re doing because I’d be crying in a ball approximately 3 hours after the engagement with all the pressure.

Just don’t expect me to have an opinion on place settings, because I have no freaking clue what you’re talking about and why they matter.

Okay okay. I’m doing it. I’m forcing myself to think about the what if: What if I get married?  What will I want to do?

Outside of the roiling nausea, here’s what I’m thinking about:

  • Quick ceremony at City Hall.
  • A cute dress that I can re-wear whenever – casual, cheap
  • A ring that will last a while (this is my only desire – one hell of a tough ring so I don’t have to worry about it falling off when I do things)
  • A party with lots of booze
  • No church – this is negotiable. It’ll make me feel like a hypocrite, but if my Dream Partner is way into it, well. We’ll talk.

That’s… it. I have no other opinions.

That’s wrong, isn’t it? I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about weddings because I’m going to one next weekend. This one is pretty low-key compared to some I’ve been to (thankfully, all the weddings I’ve been to in the past year or so have been awesome).  I’m nervous about writing this because it seems when I say “I hate wedding planning urgh” someone somewhere will decide I mean I say that I hate/hated THEIR wedding, and…. no. Just no. Don’t be defensive. I don’t care about other people’s choices; I’m talking about my own, here.  If I hate your wedding, you’ll know because I’ll puke somewhere memorable (just kidding) (maybe).

So romantic comedies, saccharine commercials and a random lady I met yesterday who inspired this rant: No. The day of my wedding is NOT my most cherished-dream. It’s maybe in the top 50.  The dream of affording electrolysis beats it NO CONTEST.


6 thoughts on “I Don’t: The Tale of a Single Gal

  1. It doesn’t make you crazy. Ours was fun, but it was also a pain in the ass. So it goes for every wedding I’ve ever participating in or gone to…

  2. I hated wedding planning. The thought of it kept me from marrying the love of my life for over 5 years. When we finally decided to tie the knot we tried to make it completely our own, but the bothersome details were impossible to avoid! I’m glad it’s behind us, and we’re just married now.

    • Oh man, I can’t imagine how difficult it would be if I actually had one to plan and didn’t enjoy planning it! I’m so glad that you guys got it done, however, and can concentrate on the important part of marriage.

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