I have a dead animal on my head. Or maybe, depending upon the velocity of the wind, a bird nest.  I’m trying to grow out my bangs, you see, and it’s possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, with the exception of not eating an entire bundt cake last night.

Bang bang, baby.

There’s a simple reason I’m growing them out: Zooey Deschanel. That chirpy little woodland creature has ruined bangs for me. Oh sure, they look great on her, and she’s gorgeous.  They look good on me, too.  I’ve had bangs since roughly 2003, excepting a few times here and there where I got lazy and didn’t cut them for months on end, but that was less a fashion effort and more a “EH WHATEVER I’M HARDCORE” from the couch. However, in the last two years, people have been comparing me to Zooey. And no, this is not me passive-aggressively intimating “I’m as hot as Zooey Deschanel, tee hee” because WHAT LOL NO so much as people see “brunette with bangs wearing vaguely indie style clothing” and then have to make sure I know about Zooey’s existence.  Yes, I know about Zooey’s existence. I find her grating in everything I’ve seen her in with the exception of Elf, and She and Him ruined M. Ward’s solo career for me and I will never forgive her for that.  Girl knows her style, though – it was apparently awesome enough that Katy Perry felt the need to copy it, so now I occasionally get compared to Katy Perry too (see above regarding WHAT LOL NO for that one too).

So goodbye, bangs. We’ve had some great and some truly terrible runs. I’ve trimmed you at least 100 times when I was too cheap to get a haircut.  Remember when I decided to do my bangs a la Bettie Page my senior year of college, curling the ever-loving shit out of you?  Remember when I let you hang in my eyes convinced that people would ignore the fact that I was running into walls because I looked like Jessica Rabbit?  Or hey, more recently when after half a bottle of wine I decided that I was madly in love with Rooney Mara’s blunt cut and sported those godawful little short bangs for two months pretending that I totally meant to shear them that short? Yeah.  Memories.

But it’s time. I’m growing you out.  It’s a nightmare. You get twice as greasy twice as fast since you’re too long not to press against my forehead. You frizz when you’re freshly washed.  And the slightest breeze kicks you up and makes you go freakin’ everywhere. But I will persevere.  You hear me, bangs?  I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to punk out and trim you, even though the urge is SO STRONG right now that it’s all I can do not to reach for the scissors.  I am fierce, bangs.  Together, we will have LAYERS, you hear me?  LAYERS.  And it will be epic.

Now get your shit out of my eyes oh jesus god why didn’t I pack a headband whyyyyyyyyyyyyy.


6 thoughts on “Bangst

  1. I grew mine out – it took me YEARS to get them the length I wanted (I have very long hair). Now I think I probably looked better when I had them, but what a decision to have to make – do I get them cut back in? What if I hate them again and want to grow them out? More years of hating my hair? But this current style doesn’t suit me anyway! Argggg! And they say that hair is just another accessory…

    • Hair is the biggest pain in the butt EVER. And it’s like… it’s such a stupid thing, but when you have a Good Hair Day, it’s amazing. It changes your self-esteem! So conversely, warring with your hair… it really drives you insane. I’m in the process of growing out a pixie cut and that’s less stressful by far than growing out my bangs.

  2. It took me forever to grow out my bangs, and then I realized after several awful hair years that my forehead looks freakish without at least a side bang to hide my massive forehead. But my bangs have issues nonetheless and will not behave no matter how many times I yell at them in the mirror. Good luck in resisting the cut!

    And I love the blog.

    • Ughhh I hate that! When you just little a LITTLE bang to cover up something and yet you can’t just do a LITTLE bang unless you have the staff of a hair salon following you throughout the day.

      Thanks for the follow! 🙂

  3. I think the last time I had bangs was in like the 4th grade, before my hair decided that the only thing it wants to do ever is be a massive pile of curls. Bangs would look dumb on me. They look awesome on you. However, I can understand the desire to grow them out. Good luck!

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